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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars
thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene
gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT? ???!!! What was that?" So she says the words that
every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch
with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your
physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love
me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing
that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend
time with her We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes
to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pa ir for each
outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think
this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I
don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for
a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I
buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs
fly over a frozen hell while monkeys.