A red neck dials 911 in a panic and the dialog goes:
Redneck: "Operatur, we need some help here, we got some lady floppin around haven a heart attack or somethin. Git someone here quick!"
Operator: "Look sir, just calm down. You need to tell me where you are. Where are you?"
Redneck: "We're over here at 909 Eucalyptus street."
Operator: "O.k. sir, can you spell that for me?"
Redneck: "(long pause) Um, I'm gonna drag her on over to Oak street, okay? Meet you on the corner."
*****
The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help.
"My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop.
"The car hit you from behind," the officer said.
"How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"
"I recognized the laugh!" he replied.
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"
"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"And then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"And then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
