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04-17-2004, 10:49 AM
glšnzend glšnzend is offline
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The King and the Witch
>
>King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring

>kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youth

>and ideals. So the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer

>a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year tofigure out the
>answer;

>if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death....

>The question: What do women really want?

>Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young

>Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death,

>he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

>He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, and the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

>Many people advised him to consult the old witch. Only she would know the answer.

>The price would be high; the witch was famous throughout the
kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

>The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk
to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he'd have to accept
>her price first: The old witch wanted to marry him.

>Young Arthur was horrified: She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, and made obscene noises. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature.

>Finally, having no real choice, he agreed. Their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's questi on thus: What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life.

>Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

>And so it was.

>The neighboring monarch granted Arthur total freedom

>What a wedding Arthur and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. He was proper as always, gentle, and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display, and generally made everyone very uncomfortable.

>The hour approached. Arthur, steeling himself for a horrific experience,
entered the bedroom, But what a sight awaited him! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him!

>The astounded Arthur asked what had happened.

>The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd
appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self half the time, and the other half she would be her beautiful maiden self.

>Which would he want her to be during the day, and which during the night?

>What a cruel question! Arthur pondered his predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch,

>but by night a beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many intimate moments?

>What would you do?

>What Arthur chose follows below......but don't read until you've made your own choice.........

>Noble Arthur replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
>
>
>What is the moral of this story?
>
>The moral is: If your woman doesn't get her own way, things are going to get...

>UGLY!
>
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04-17-2004, 11:16 AM
glšnzend glšnzend is offline
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It's a beautiful, warm spring morning; a man and his wife are spending

the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink dress,
sleeveless with straps.

He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt.

The zoo is not very busy this morning.

As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a large,
hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape.

He jumps on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet),
he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand.

He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny.

He suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow some more.

The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and
play along.

She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises
that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show
a little more skin.

She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down.

"Now try lifting your dress up. Show your thighs and sort of fan it at him," he says.

This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy, and now he's doing flips.

Then the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, flings
her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut.

"Now, tell HIM you have a headache"
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