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where I choose to go wireless or wired
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It's not one or the other -- it does both. I have two wired connections into my G router, and then I can use wireless anywhere in the building, too. (Most computers are networked via Gigabit switches, with IPs assigned by the router.)
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if I choose disable, can I go back in & activate it?
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Yes.
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can you recommend other good inexpensive N routers
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Here's a $30 D-Link wireless N router: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...SIN=B002VJL0OS
Or $30 Cisco refurb router: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...SIN=B002WWHO0I
Or $25 TrendNET: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...SIN=B000WBNY9G
D-Link and TrendNET make excellent routers/switches/cards. My gigabit network is built around D-Link switches and TrendNET gigabit NICs (network interface cards). Cisco is "the" maker of routers -- usually the highest of quality, and always more costly than other brands. Which one your buy is up to you.
You'd want to look at the manual for each, to find out the default IP. You can change the IP of the router, too. I change my router IPs on purpose.
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so this is one key for compatibility, make sure the router IP address is different from the the modem IP address?
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Not "compatibility" -- no. All routers and modems should work with each other.
This is to avoid conflicts. Otherwise it's like two people (strangers) trying to share one cell phone number. Obviously, that won't work -- each device needs its own unique number on the network. Separate IPs, for the router and modem.
"Bridging" is how you make two different devices share one IP, but that can be hit or miss. It's never worked well for me, and it's not worked for you.