Life expectancy of disc shaped object? [April Fool!]

[BarryTheCrab]

LordSmurf,
please answer this for me.
After few attempts and much inaction I ask you nice, if the humidity of my refrigerator goes up and down, and I keep my baloney in a dark drawer, vacuum sealed, wrapped in wax paper, I get baloney-rot.

1. Is German or Austrian baloney better?
2. Does the brand of refrigerator matter?
3. The wax paper company has several off-brands, can I use them?
4. Why?
5. If I use a black light type bulb in my appliance, can you tell me maximum lumens?
6. Why?
7. Does mayonnaise prolong or diminish shelf-life of said baloney?
8. There is a certain salami that looks a lot like baloney (same disc shape), can I use that?
9. Why?

I sit and wait for answers.

[lordsmurf]

You're a smart person! Most people don't know it, but DVDs and CDs are overpriced. All you need is a really good piece of baloney to burn data.

Trivia: Those DVD drives also double as cup holders!

1. Germans make great sausages. Since baloney is sort of like sausage, that's what you want.

2. The best refrigerators are made by Kenmore (Sears). But you need to be careful, and not get one of the rebadged units from lower quality brands. Remember: Friends don't let friends buy a fridge at Best Buy.

3. Make sure it's the "arts & crafts" version, not food. You're supposed to burn data on the bologna, not eat it!

4. Because.

5. 42. It's always 42. (Tip: Anytime you don't know what a number should be, you never go wrong with 42. It's the meaning of the universe, after all.)

6. Because.

7. If the DVD tray ever gets stuck, it's the best kind of grease.

8. No! Never use salami! (Or was that salamanders?) Summer sausage is good. See that inner ring on the DVD tray? Well that's what it's for! Just be sure to cut it really thin. If too thick, they drive tray won't close.

9. Because.

[dpalomaki]

To extend this beyond the dateline:

Quote:

Those DVD drives also double as cup holders!

Read more: http://www.digitalfaq.com/forum/medi...#ixzz5BWDhy2fj

My older PC only has a CD drive. Can I use it as a cup holder as well? If so,
how do I fit the cup in the CD caddy?

[BarryTheCrab]

CD caddies will accept styrofoam cups, but avoid wax paper cups if the humidity exceeds 91% as the cellulose may swell and throw off the balance. Then you need to fix it with a bunch of baloney.

Thank you, I'll be here all week.
Shows at 2 and 2:15 on the Lido deck...

[lordsmurf]

To make a disc last longer, always remember to user a DVD rewinder after viewing.
Google for it, several online stores do sell them.

[BarryTheCrab]

There are very few DVD rewinders available now at this late expiration date. Never buy them on EBAY, those are full of lard and require labor-intensive cleaning. The best ones are from Genoa-Salami, but due to culinary espionage from an inscrutable merchant in Taipei back in the 70's a lot of the discs had bad peppercorns. Due to excessive humidity the peppercorns swell and gum up the works, and they don't play well and get stuck in the rewinder. That, of course, leads us back to baloney...

[dpalomaki]

Quote:

DVD rewinder

Actually I got 3 from eBay (3 in case one or two were not working as we all know may happen with auction site stuff), they were only $150 or so, and all work. After each viewing, I take the DVD out, put it in the rewinder. (It does take about 120 minutes; they operate gently at -1x speed so as not to snap the leader at the start.) When I put the DVD back in the DVD player it starts at the beginning reliably (usually the trailers and main menu). Warning: Some Blu-ray players will insist on trying to start the DVD at the point I stopped viewing it if it didn't run all the way through the ending credits. But that is a minor inconvenience because I love to speed read the eternal listing of participants at any level in making recent films. And it is important to give recognition to the caterer's second butter cutter.) And it also works with CDs.

[BarryTheCrab]

I'm gonna bookmark this thread.