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  #1  
07-04-2006, 01:45 PM
RobertHMayfire RobertHMayfire is offline
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Anyone have any Joke Quotes to share?

Here are my favorites.

(Jabba's voice) Ho ho ho. Foolish Jedi. Your Jedi mind tricks don't work on *******s.

There can only be one!! Except on Wednesdays where there can be THREE!!
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  #2  
07-04-2006, 02:20 PM
kwag kwag is offline
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Here's one of my favorites, from the "Sex and the City" series

Quote:
Adam:
Come on, give me a little BJ, up and down a couple times, you're done, it's easy!

Samantha:
Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'!
-kwag
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  #3  
07-04-2006, 06:52 PM
Dialhot Dialhot is offline
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Amongs others :
Code:
Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If sh!t was worth something, poor people would be born with no hole in their ass.
			ANOTHER 48 HRS. (1990)

--
Lenina Huxley: Let's go blow this guy.
John Spartan: Away! Let's go blow this guy _away_!
			DEMOLITION MAN (1993)
--
We're Starfleet officers. Weird is part of the job.
		Captain Janeway - VOYAGER (1995)
--
Ajay Sidhu: Did you find him?
Roland Tembo: Only the parts they didn't like
		JURASSIC PARK : THE LOST WORLD (1997)
--
Do you know of Dr. Freud, Mr. Ismay? His ideas of the male preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you.
		Rose - TITANIC (1997)
--
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Did you even take the Hippocratic Oath?
Dr. Robert Romano: I had my fingers crossed.
			ER (2002)
--
Ellenor: Heads we take the plea, tails we go for it. [flips coin]
Lindsay: This is why we get paid. To make these decisions.
			THE PRACTICE (1997)
--
Adrian:  Why do you wanta fight?
Rocky Balboa:  Because I can't sing or dance.
			ROCKY II (1979)
--
Maybe I'm happy and I just don't know it.
		Ally - ALLY MCBEAL (1997)
--
Monica: Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing.
Chandler: How do you find clothes that fit?
			FRIENDS (1994)
--
Homer: Trying is the first step to failure.
			THE SIMPSONS (1999)
--
Monica : Shut up ! The camera adds 10 pounds !
Chandler : So, how many cameras are actually ON you ?
			FRIENDS (1994)
--
Amanda Buckman: Why are you dressed like somebody died?
Wednesday: Wait.
			ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES (1993)
--
On August 29th, 1997, it's gonna feel pretty f*cking real to you too. Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day. Get it?
		Sarah Connor - TERMINATOR 2 (1991)
--
Bart: Hey Homer, this house sucks!
Homer: Bart, I told you to never use that word! Call me Daddy.
			THE SIMPSONS (1999)
--
John Hammond: Don't worry, I'm not making the same mistakes again.
Dr. Ian Malcolm: No, you're making all new ones.
		JURASSIC PARK : THE LOST WORLD (1997)
--
Ed : What makes you think you can just walk in and take whatever you want?
Erin : They're called boobs, Ed.
			ERIN BROCKOVICH (2000)
-- 
Lt.Cmdr. Data: He must have died in his sleep.
Lieutenant Worf: What a terrible way to die.
			STTNG (1997)
--
It's not everyday you hear that you're responsible for 3 billion deaths.
He took it pretty well.			
		Sarah Connor - TERMINATOR 2 (1991)
--
Dick Solomon: Mary, there's something I have to tell you. I come from another world.
Mary Albright: And that's news?
			3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN (1996)
--
Hey, I'm a non-practicing virgin.
		Lelaina Pierce - REALITY BITES (1994)
--
Buzz: I've set my laser from stun to kill.
Woody: Oh, great! If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death!
			TOY STORY (1995) 
-- 
Fox Mulder: He believes the government is out to get him.
Mr. X: It's tax season, so do most Americans.
		Fox Mulder - THE X-FILES (1993)
-- 
Dana Scully: Have you ever had any dealings with a cow?
Fox Mulder: Agent Scully, WHAT are you implying?
		Fox Mulder - THE X-FILES (1993)
--
If you want to f*ck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly.
		Veronica Sawyer - HEATHERS (1989)
--
Q: I'm as human as the rest of you! What must I do to prove that?
Lieutenant Worf: Die.
			STTNG (1997)
--
Ross :	My friends, Bethel, saved this little monkey from some lab
Phoebe : that's so cruel, how can parents call their child Bethel ?
			FRIENDS (1994)
--
Gomez: He has my father's eyes.
Morticia: Gomez, take those out of his mouth.
			ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES (1993)		
--
Heather Duke: Veronica, you look like hell.
Veronica: Thanks, I just got back.
			HEATHERS (1989)
--
Sally Solomon: Isn't there a place where people can have mindless sex with different partners?
Mary Albright: Yeah! It's called "the 70s."
			3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN (1996)
-- 
Fox Mulder: Why is it that every time I think I know the answers, someone goes and changes the questions?
		Fox Mulder - THE X-FILES (1993)
--
Wesley Crusher: He wants the impossible.
Geordi Laforge: That's the short definition of "Captain".
			STTNG (1997)
--
Tourist: Excuse me, do you know of any hotels that have rooms?
Harry Solomon: I believe that *all* hotels have rooms.
			3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN (1996)
--
You think it's tough defending the guilty, Lindsay? Try the innocent... it's terrifying
		Bobby Donnell - THE PRACTICE (1997)
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  #4  
07-05-2006, 09:48 PM
RobertHMayfire RobertHMayfire is offline
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Life is like a Circus and I am surrounded by Clowns.
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